Glimpses of the Divine

There are times in life when you see something ordinary but at that moment it is for you a glimpse of the divine. Well, I was wandering through downtown LA, the fashion district to be specific. Its a gritty, squished, fast place. Everyone seems to know exactly where they are going, walking quickly, and working hard at peddling their wares. I on the other hand was wandering aimlessly. I felt out of place, and I feel like that in my life sometimes. I’m in the midst of a huge life transition from grad school to “the real world.” I am trying to figure out my life, and sometimes I feel a bit abnormal. I do not fit many traditional molds very well, nor do I want to. It seems hard to find my place in the world. I was feeling particularly extraordinary that day, and I saw a man pushing a large, flat bed cart along the side walk at a brisk pace. His head was bent down as he focused on his job. All was functioning efficiently except for one wheel of his car. It was spinning wildly, totally out of sync with the other three, and I thought, “Good God, I am that wheel.” I laughed out loud because for one moment I saw my place in the world - in a wheel. I am but a small wheel. It is quite alright that I am spinning wildly when others are turning smoothly. I will be that wheel and all will be well. Even a spinning wheel has a place. Thank you God for the glimpse of that wheel.

PS Am listening to Caribou and enjoying them very much. Recommended.

Green Marketing

Listening to Larry Mantle (yeah!) on NPR just now. The topic is green marketing and the “sin of the hidden trade-off.” I am sure you’ve seen products such as these where they market products because they are all natural or made with recycled products. The problem is that we have absolutely no idea about the broader context of the product. How far was this product shipped? What were the methods of manufacturing? Still, even if we know the carbon footprint of a product, that is one environmental issue. We need an eco-standard for us to know what “green” actually means. Now this is not a black or white issue. It is just another reminder that we must stay on our toes as consumer and ask the simple questions, like “Why is your product green?” There are some examples such as the eco-logo or green certification, but these are not standard or universal.

The first thing that came to mind is the recent Arrowhead water bottle commercials where the bottle is marketed as “green” because it uses less plastic. Hello! Did you miss the fact that we are still using massive amounts of plastic for disposable water bottles? The issue is not less plastic but more re-used bottles. I hate it when marketers try to manipulate my value system so I will buy their product. Gr.

For some more “sins” of green marketing read this short article:
The Six Sins of Greenwashing

Word of the Day: Schizoid

–adjective
1. Psychology. of or pertaining to a personality disorder marked by dissociation, passivity, withdrawal, inability to form warm social relationships, and indifference to praise or criticism.
2. Informal. of or pertaining to schizophrenia or to multiple personality.
–noun
3. a schizoid person.

Personally it is my new term of degradation. You bleeding schizoid!

Tokyo Delves and the Blue Monkey

The blog is back. Its only been nine months, but I feel like such a different person. In the interim I have fallen in love, bought a house, sort of graduated, started working full time, gotten a dog and had my heart broken. Whew! Glad that’s over. I am really excited about the future though. I have absolutely no idea where I will be in six months. Well, okay, I will still be in Pasadena living with the lovely Miss Lisa and sleeping with Phoebe my chihuahua, but the day to day contents of my life could be drastically different. Anyways, while my life is working itself out, I have missed writing and am excited to do so once again in my small corner of cyberspace. Onto the topic…

I went to Tokyo Delves! Fucking amazing! Upon first sight, it seemed pretty mediocre. Just a blah black room with Christmas lights vomited everywhere and waiters wearing Santa hats. Yep, totally boring. Then the music and the sake bombs started. By music I don’t mean soothing background music, I mean blaring, scream-at-your-neighbor club music. The first event of the night was a table-wide sake bomb. So you build the bomb as shown below and then the waiter screams, “When I say SAKE you say BOMB!”
SAKE!
BOMB!
SAKE!
BOMB!
He bangs his fist on you table, it collapses and you chug!

If that doesn’t make you happy, the whole room then does a bomb together. Then everyone (yes, that means you too) stands up on their chairs and does the chicken dance! Follow that with more bombs, more stupid songs (e.g. grease songs, ymca, and other cheesy eighties and nineties hits, like that one song- pour some sugar on me!), crazy shows put on by your waiters, and you have an absolutely unforgettable night. Thank God for Cuoie’s birth and the decision to celebrate it at Tokyo Delves! I highly recommend it. Five stars in Joy’s Book.
Following Tokyo Delves, we went to the Blue Monkey. It’s a great bar because its really a dance club only there’s no cover and no line. Fun, fun, fun!

Lent & Grace

Lent. The forty days preceding Easter. A season of fasting and sacrifice. It challenges the Christian to give up something dear to him or her as a way of practicing solidarity with the suffering, crucified Christ and with all people suffering. As we struggle with our selfish desires, we are faced once again with our inadequacy in light of the great sacrifice freely made by Christ in his life and ultimately in his death. We are led to repentance and then to the greatest miracle in human history - to the grace that has been gratuitously poured in to our lives and relationships. There are moments in my life when the reality of grace overwhelms me, causes me to fall on my knees and weep tears of relief. As of late, I have been trying to let the truth of grace permeate my life. It changes so much, how I view myself, what I demand of myself, how I respond to others. Grace is unconditional. It liberates me to rest, to step outside the rat race of seminary and just enjoy creation. It tells me that I am enough, that God has made me as I am and I am good, that God is bringing me to a place of completion, that there is a divine purpose for my existence, that I am not alone but upheld by the gentle arms of my father, comforted by my mother’s embrace.

Yet these moments of epiphany are so easily forgotten, drowned out by the distracting noises of school, work, and friends. Grace is difficult. It is such a foreign concept to the academic, capitalist, and perfectionist bred within me. Life daily confronts me with a world of productivity, competition, and evaluation. I am hoping the second practice of Lent, prayer, will help me live in contradiction to this reality. Since I rarely pray, okay, never pray, I have decided to explore different ways to pray, which (I hope) I will share with you as Lent procedes. But first, a quote I read on prayer this week from Jean-Nicholaus Grou’s How to Pray:

Be simple in your piety. Do not rely upon your intellect or upon the subtlety and depth of your reasonings. Real piety is not concerned with thoughts but with the affections. Do not use so many books and exercises and methods. Let your heart tell you what you wish to say to God and say it simply without bothering too much about the words; it is ridiculous to be eloquent in his presence and take pride in prayers that are well composed, instead of using those that are more natural to you.

Hunger

Perhaps you’ve read the post before this entitled Chemistry. Well, the feeling of dissatisfaction has not diminished. I was watching Mona Lisa Smile the other day and looking at all the women in the film who are royally screwed up, even the supposed heroine played by Julia Roberts. They are all trying to find fulfilling relationships, and no one in the film ever accomplishes it. I felt so akin to them, bumbling through life, longing for companionship, for a valiant cause to live for or even for the perfect dress to make everyone green with envy. But I never really get there. I never find Prince Charming or the ultimate universal ethic. There is always something else to buy that offers acceptance or prestige. I am always left wanting more, yearning for something greater, something deeper. Hence the previous post.

It has been bothering me how often my dreams and longings seem unrealistic. I know that Prince Charming doesn’t exist, but I cannot help it. I was born for something more. Until I realized that this is my lot and my gift. As the old hymn goes, “This world is not my home, I’m just apassin’ through.” I will never feel completion. I will always want more and only the divine will satisfy me. Lent is coming up, and I am already gearing up. Lent is a time for us to create longing in our lives, so we may remember for Whom we truly yearn. So I have begun to embrace the emptiness, the hunger. I was wandering through Target, one of my favorite pastimes, and having nabbed everything off my list, I aimlessly looked at clothing, books, CDs. (It scares me sometimes how much time has been sucked into the vortex that is Target.) I just looked at all the clothes that I aboslutely must have and remembered that I will never be satisfied. Never. I will always want more. And somehow that contented me and made saying no so much easier.

Chemistry

You know that country song where the girl belts, “I want to fall in love. I want to feel that rush, running into my heart, shaking up my soul, feeling like I’ve never felt before” Well, I do. Let it end in heartbreak or better yet friendship, but I want to really go crazy over someone. Even if its for a week though a month would be preferable. But all I do is look around and there’s, well, there’s nothing. I saw an old crush today, and I should have felt some tugs of attraction. There was nothing. I made out an incredibly hot guy. And for all his physical perfection, there was no chemistry (on my part at least). Ugh. Chemistry is so frustrating, so very elusive. I just want to throw a tantrum because there are absolutely no one delicious in my life. No one whose mind or humor or music taste inspires me, allures me. I want to feel that “click”, that moment of mutual attraction where you both experience something extraordinary. Everyone seems to all fit into this little Fuller mold, which makes them horribly boring. And if they don’t fit, they have absolutely no character or depth. Bleh. Woe is me. I need to move to England. That will definitely solve all my problems. (That was a joke.)

Alright time for some comic relief. Sorry, the whole cartoon doesn’t fit on the page. But you get the gist.

New Years Resolutions

I love them, especially as I have begun to take them seriously the last few years (kind of liek fasting for Lent). I have actually accomplished three! Wohoo! Of course, if you have no intention of completing it, then don’t make one. My resolution for this year is quite ambitious. It is similar to last years resoution. Yes, I am once again trying to keep a budget. I did it four out of twelve months last year, which is honestly a huge step for me. I will not let materialism rule! This year I am going for six months. The benefit of last year was going through numerous systems that just didn’t work for me (e.g. cash in envelopes, Quicken, etc). Now, after numerous failed budgets I have a nice little routine with a nice little spreadsheet all set up on Excel with the little boxes programmed to plus and minus and put the totals there and add them again and then minus the difference. Anyways, you get the picture. There is one huge difference this year, and it uses my pride to my advatage. I have talked to four people whose fiscal habits I highly respect (I also trust them enough to let them see me flounder and possibly fail, very scary.) and each will be expecting an accounting of my expenditures at the close of every month. Yikes! Now I’ve really put the pressure on and have to deliver.

Have you ever noticed that we never talk about money? Its like this secret subject that no one has any right to know. Any one who questions our spending is irrespectful and completely uncouth. We are like the Victorians and sex. Don’t ask where all these babies came from because no one, especially not women, have sex. And, of course, no one enjoys it. Very hush-hush. I have heard the average American is about $8,000 in debt. (Does that count school loans? I hope not.) Seems like a pretty big deal to me. Seems like something we should talk about, especially since we are the richest nation in the world. How can the richest nation in the world be unable to control their spending and so be in debt? Ridiculous.

Top Music of 2006

I thought this would be easy, but it wasn’t. I was going to do the top ten, but I couldn’t. These are all so amazing. I would be sad if you never discovered the joy of each. Buy them all! So here they are, from greatest to almost greatest:

1. Regina Spektor: Begin to Hope

2. Josh Ritter: The Animal Years

3. Joshua Radin: We Were Here

4. Camera Obscura: Let’s Get Out of This Country

5. Snow Patrol: Eyes Open

6. Maritime: We, The Vehicles

7. Gnarls Barkley: St. Elsewhere

8. I’m From Barcelona: Let Me Introduce My Friends

9. Yo La Tengo: I Am Not Afraid of You And I Will Beat Your Ass

10. Cat Power: The Greatest

11. Ratatat: Classics

12. Fujiya & Miyagi: Transparent Things

13. Joseph Arthur: Nuclear Daydream

14. Belle & Sebastian: The Life Pursuit

15. Damien Rice: 9

16. Keane: Under The Iron Sea

17. Junior Boys: So This is Goodbye

Of course there were artists who I discovered in 2006 but came out in 2005. These guys are amazing and all would be very high up on my list:

Of Montreal: Sunlandic Twins
The Weepies: Say I Am You
Stars: Set Yourself On Fire
Bloc Party: Silent Alarm
Carla Bruni: Quelqu’un m’a dit
Imogen Heap: Speak For Yourself
New Pornographers: Twin Cinema
Rachel Yamagata: Happenstance

Holidays

Well, Christmas has passed and I have just returned home from a two-week stay with my family. It was good, great actually. Being one of the few truly normal as well as Christian members of my family, I often feel like I cannot relate. My world is so different from theirs, my values so foreign in their eyes. For example, they do not understand why I am still in school, especially since I am not doing it to earn more money. My aunt’s response to my plan to join the Peace Corps was, “Get a job!” Humph. At least have respect for the fact that I actually want to make a difference with my life and help humanity. There were these moments of disconnection. (I got a $50 gift certificate to Sephora, but I don’t wear make-up.) But on the whole I noticed our similarities and remembered why family is so great. Because we are the same.

We are always late. All of us. All the time. And no one cares. They didn’t get mad at me if I was a half hour late or decided not to come. It was heaven.

We have the exact same movie etiquette apart from the fact that we like the same movies. We sit in the first row with the balcony in front of it so we can put our feet up. We discuss the merits of each movie after every preview. We laugh, cry and exclaim loudly.

We like to do the same things. We don’t like to cook; we all love to shop and eat out. So we do. We like the same stores and restaurants. We also ski. I have been wanting to go skiing, so my mom and I went to Big Bear for three days and went skiing and hung out. It was great.

Yes, and that is why I love my family, even if they don’t get the Peace corps thing. Christmas was great, but I am ecstatic to be home now and alone. I really need my space.